Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters

Master Shake and Meatwad stare at an insane exercise machine in the equally insane Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters

By Gary Sundt

As Printed in The Lumberjack on April 19, 2007

Sometimes, a movie comes along that is so amazing it changes how we view films. The flick is so incredible that it seems to skew our view of the art form, and we know everything we will watch in the future will only pale in comparison to the picture’s greatness.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters does the exact opposite of that. It pretty much gives every movie that has come before it the opportunity to move up a peg on the quality-film scale, with the exception of Batman & Robin.

From the fine people at Williams Street Productions and Cartoon Network, ATHFCMFFT offers the casual moviegoer an opportunity unlike any other. The viewer gets to see what can happen when the people who produce your entertainment get hopelessly slaughtered, and the dreaded LSD-fried minds of the assassins take over. The result is either a work of insane brilliance or simply just insanity.

While I would love to describe the plot of the movie, the truth is that I cannot. Not because I didn’t understand it, but because there wasn’t a plot. Somewhere between the exercise machine bent on destroying mankind and the slice of watermelon who seems to be responsible for creating the all the main characters, I gave up on hoping this would ever resemble a film and simply basked in the inane nature of it.

If you have ever seen the Aqua Teen Hunger Force television show on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim, then you should basically know how this goes: this brigade of fried food starts a random adventure, but much like a child when it sees a butterfly, it runs far away from what it was doing in a quest for something entirely different.

Usually in the Aqua Teen Hunger Force experience, this craziness would occur in short bursts, lasting for approximately 11 minutes. This offers certain viewers a chance to reminisce on their drug-addled frenzy days, and others to just bask in their current drug-addled frenzy. However, ATHFCMFFT lasts for 87 minutes, and thus is a very different experience. If you enjoy the show, then you will probably enjoy the movie. If you do not like the show or very simply have no idea what Aqua Teen Hunger Force is, then stay far away from this film, because you will just walk away confused and angry.

To conclude this review, I will offer an adjusted quote from Billy Madison:

“ATHFCMFFT, what you’ve put in theaters is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever seen. At no point in your ranting, incoherent film were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone is the theater is now dumber for having watched it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”

Hindsight: I think I should mention that I enjoyed this film quite a bit. My analysis of the film still stands, because it’s absolutely ridiculous and in no way a good movie. But I am a fan of the cartoon show (which is also complete insanity), and thus liked the movie.

The Darjeeling Limited

Jason Schwartzman, Adrian Brody and Owen Wilson pray in The Darjeeling Limited

by Gary Sundt

As Printed in The Lumberjack on December 6, 2007

The Darjeeling Limited is about three brothers who have lost touch and are hoping to reconnect on a soul-seeking journey through India. With them on the trip is a whole lot of luggage. These suitcases are not mere props in the film, but rather their own character. The luggage is the brothers’ baggage, and it travels with them for the entirety of the film.

These guys have been distant since their father’s funeral, and have been invited to India by Francis (Owen Wilson), the severely injured oldest brother who recently attempted vehicular suicide. With his near-death experience came the realization that he wants to get to know his younger brothers, Jack (Jason Schwartzman) and Peter (Adrian Brody). These boys each have a piece of their father’s old baggage, as well as a fair share of their own.

The boys and their baggage travel on a train throughout India, and have planned stops designed to encourage enlightenment. These ventures are dictated to the brothers in a daily itinerary provided by Francis’ assistant, Brendan (Wally Wolodarsky). In doing all this preparation, Francis has gone to great lengths to ensure that he and his siblings bond. He thinks he knows them better than they do. However, not until the brothers are tossed off the train do they even remotely begin to understand one another.

In writing the screenplay, Schartzman, Roman Coppola and director Wes Anderson actually traveled through India to gain experience and perspective. The result is a brilliant script that takes the characters to difficult places, and never gives them an easy way out. In fact, not until we are introduced to the brothers’ mother (Angelica Huston) does it all come completely together. It is in this patience with character analysis that the film’s poetry becomes evident.

My screening of The Darjeeling Limited was preceded by Hotel Chevalier, a short film that sets up Jack’s storyline. It is a wonderful piece, featuring outstanding performances by Schwartzman and Natalie Portman (credited as “Jack’s X-Girlfriend”), which sets up the movie to be very different from the previous films by Wes Anderson. His characters have always been sad people, but never before have they been as heartbreaking as they are in this film.

Anderson started his career with Bottle Rocket and Rushmore, two films I enjoyed, and The Royal Tenenbaums, a film I enjoyed a whole lot more. He then took a turn to the bizarre with The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, an art-house style flick that was certainly quirky, but not brilliantly so.

The Darjeeling Limited is brilliantly quirky, and carries with it the type of indie-pop soundtrack you’ve come to expect from the filmmaker. But the flick drags in places where it shouldn’t. Anderson’s penchant for long takes, wide shots and slow motion, even with the phenomenal music, make the film feel slightly longer than a two-hour movie should.

This is a Wes Anderson film, so one should walk in knowing how strange and fun it will be. He makes flicks that are sometimes funny, sometimes heartbreaking and always fascinating. The Darjeeling Limited is an interesting character study featuring people with baggage who are so lost that, were they to exist in real life, they would probably want to watch this film in hopes of figuring themselves out.

 

Beowulf

Ray Winston and Angelina Jolie are about to “slay the monster” in Beowulf

by Gary Sundt

As Printed in The Lumberjack on November 22, 2007

What qualifies an R-rating? While watching Beowulf, I couldn’t help but feel the MPAA was stricken blind recently, or they were shown a different movie than I was. This picture has all the fixings of an R-rated flick: extreme violence, blood, guts, a truly terrifying monster, sexual innuendo involving the word “come,” and a nearly-nude CGI Angelina Jolie. The film also happens to be pretty good, so I suppose I can put the rating aside.

Beowulf does not have actors, as the film is an entirely computer-generated experience created by Gentle Giant Studios and the latest motion-capture technology. However, it does feature the likeness and voice of several actors, among them Ray Winston as Beowulf of Geatland. The champion comes to the Danish kingdom of King Hrothgar (Anthony Hopkins) to slay the shrieking monster that has been attacking the townsfolk at the new mead hall. The monster’s name is Grendel (Crispin Glover), and he is the type of creature that gives grown men nightmares, and had my friend screaming out loud in the theater.

Beowulf is offered the king’s favorite mead cup in exchange for slaying the monster. He then proceeds to strip down naked, because if Grendel has no armor or weapons, of course neither will Beowulf. If the king’s wife, Queen Wealthow (Robin Wright), was not already attracted to this guy, his rippling muscles and (as the bar wenches put it) “third leg” have sealed the deal. As she goes off to bed, Beowulf and his men are left to fight Grendel. This sequence includes intense violence, more shrill screams from the horrifying monster, and the most foreground objects used to cover a man’s tool since Austin Powers.

A review of this film cannot be written without mentioning the strikingly half-naked Angelina Jolie as Grendel’s mother. She’s hot. Guys, girls, gay guys, and gay girls will all be aroused. But this isn’t where the sexuality stops, by God. Beowulf is naked, Grendel’s mother is naked, and the flick’s sexual innuendo is more prevalent than The Todd on Scrubs. At times this actually makes the film seem more satirical than a serious epic, which, if this was intentional by the director Robert Zemeckis, is a compliment on the highest level.

The film is of course based on the Old English epic poem of the same name. Writers Neil Gaiman and Roger Avary have done a decent job stretching out the 1000-line-long story so that Zemeckis could make a movie out of it. This critic needs to confess that he was not subjected to reading this short story in high school, and is too busy to read it now. So I will judge the film on simply a cinematic level. Is Beowulf a good movie: yes. Is the film without flaws: absolutely not.

Zemeckis’ previous film, The Polar Express, was also created using fully computer-animated humanoid characters. However, the characters were cold and lifeless. Thus, instead of being a touching film for children, it was actually quite creepy.

Beowulf has improved upon this issue, but still problems exist. The computer-generated characters, however fascinating enough for a still image, are not convincing. The mouth and eyes may have life, but the faces are still lifeless. The image of King Hrothgar was fine enough, but I couldn’t help but wish for the real Hopkins, being the powerhouse actor that he is, as the screaming drunkard king.

The film is being shown in 3-D in places more prestigious than Flagstaff, and the shots are obviously designed for just that. Blades, guts, and mead fly at the audience, and one can only imagine how vastly superior the experience would have been in the latest 3-D technology. If you have gotten a chance to see The Nightmare Before Christmas 3-D currently in theaters, you know what I’m talking about.

I enjoyed Beowulf as a whole, but the look of the picture took me out of the experience when the action stopped. However, I suppose I can’t hold that against it. Beowulf is a thoroughly entertaining movie, and the horrific sight of Grendel is reason enough to give the film a chance. This technology is obviously Motion Capture 2.0, and living in a world of constant upgrades, one can only hope that they get it right sooner than AOL did. 

Hitman

Timothy Olyphant looks at himself in Hitman

by Gary Sundt

As Printed in The Lumberjack on November 29, 2007

When the credits rolled for Hitman, I couldn’t help but think back to my middle school years. I was never a huge gamer, but have indulged in the popular videogame series of the same name. My friends and I always maintained if there was ever a game to be made into a film, Hitman was it. Lord, please forgive the eighth grade version of me and mine for our ignorance.

Raised from birth by a secret society called The Organization, Agent 47 (Timothy Olyphant) has been chemically engineered to do one thing: kill, kill, kill. And that he does. The flick is full of headshots, body shots, bullets through limbs, explosions and one pretty crazy sword fight.

Let’s focus on this very strange sword fight for a second. The Organization has put a mark out on 47, and he spends most of the flick trying to figure out why. During his quest for answers, he comes across three other agents (we’ll call them 37, 94, and 405,000). Instead of shooting one another, 47 and the other numbers have a big sword fight, presumably because of an honor thing. This scene, along with so many others, is designed to show just how badass Agent 47 can be. Remember how much fun it was when you and your friends sat around playing Playstation 2, showing one another the best way to kill somebody? Well, it’s less fun and even more frequent in Hitman.

Agent 47’s assignment was to go to Russia and assassinate President Belicoff (Ulrich Thomsen), and one of those great headshots follow. But lo and behold, a couple hours later, Belicoff is totally alive and giving a speech. What the deuce?  Mike (Dougray Scoot), the Interpol agent trying to track him down, scratches his head in bemusement. “My man never misses,” he says.

While Mike continues to work on the case, Agent 47 kidnaps the president’s prostitute, and together they go on a mission to figure out what the heck is going on.  The prostitute, a very fetching girl named Nika (Olga Kurylenko), takes to 47 almost immediately. In a love story fit for a better movie, the two fall for one another while The Organization, the Russian Government, and Interpol all try to kill them both.

Action movies have a time honored rule of “Lucky at killing, unlucky with women.” 47 obeys this to the letter. He even has a magazine that explains how to talk to girls. This cold-blooded killer has a heart (or an apparently serious case of virginity), and this chick wants a piece. I thought this relationship was the most interesting part of this movie. The problem? It’s not the main storyline. Hitman is based on a videogame, thus the plot needs to be far more convoluted than that.

Videogames are designed to be action sequences with a story built around it, and the story is usually pretty flimsy and convoluted. Character development happens more from the player, because they define the experience by making all the key decisions. Film is the exact opposite, and the translation from game to film left me with a sense of apathy towards these character shells rather than empathy. The Hitman character can have a hole through his heart, but a film should never be without a pulse.

Director Xavier Gens has succeeded here in making a Hitman movie. Agent 47 is never without a phenomenal lighting scheme when he is doing his thing. The flick looks and feels like the game. But then again, so did Mortal Kombat, Doom, and the legion of other game-based flicks. Hitman might be the best videogame movie I’ve ever seen, but that certainly doesn’t mean it’s any good.  The experience is like deciding which is the best terrible videogame made out of a film franchise. Bad, at the end of the day, is still unequivocally bad.

 

Superbad

Michael Cera and Jonah Hill curse Christopher Mintz-Plasse’s fake I.D. in Superbad

by Gary Sundt

As Printed in The Lumberjack on September 23, 2007

Our parents like to say those who don’t know how to use better words use foul language. Most of the time, those people are probably right. Unless the user of the dirty word has mastered it to a poetic art form, as the people behind Superbad have clearly done.

The movie is about best friends Seth (the large and raunchy Jonah Hill) and Evan (the skinny and worrisome Michael Cera) who, due to their unpopularity, have spent the majority of their high school careers with only one another. However, this team of big and small underwear sizes will now have to separate as they attend different universities in the fall. The dynamic duo becomes the triumphant trio with the appearance of Fogell (Christopher Mintz-Plasse), the loser kid we all know: he loves to hang out, but nobody actually likes him.

The duo is invited to a party by the hottest girl in school, and is given the responsibility of providing the booze for the evening. Fogell is invited by default, as he is the one with the oh-so-holy fake I.D.  Thus, the three embark on their strange evening with the goal of “bringing the party” to the party, because everybody knows that Alcohol + Girls + Being the guys who brought the Alcohol = Sex in High School.

Explaining what happens at this point would rob the reader of the joy that is Superbad. But know it involves drugs, alcohol, crazy cops, a homeless guy, an incredible punch to the face, and the already popular phrase “I am McLovin.” Throughout the adventure, the audience is offered an astonishing tribute to the penis, and the most homoerotic relationship since Brokeback Mountain. The movie is incredibly foul, but I guarantee that you will laugh, and you will laugh hard.

Superbad is brilliant because it isn’t trying to be anything more than it is. Instead of the Dazed and Confused route of heart, lessons and high school authenticity, the team behind this film only aspires to be a teen sex comedy. The result is that the movie is the best teen sex comedy ever made.  As Seth would probably say, “It’s a high school movie with heart, but it never gets really gay.” You keep telling yourselves that, gentlemen.

Running time: 114 minutes. Directed by Greg Mottola. Produced by Judd Apatow. Written by Seth Rogen and Even Goldberg. Starring Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Seth Rogen and Bill Hader. A Columbia Pictures release.